When I was little, I did little kid things without even thinking about their consequences beyond how far I could go without getting a spanking. Even as I aged towards adulthood, there was little thought to the future. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I thought I was living the American Dream. Turns out, I was just being a foolish kid and I've been receiving a year long spanking this year for my conduct. When I think of all the money that I've squandered away over the past 20 years, it makes me sick. I could do so much with that money now. So much good.
It's possible that I'm cracking up. I don't think so though. I actually think I feel more in control of things than I have for a very long time. Besides school loans, I am totally debt free. I didn't ask to be this way. I don't think I got there the right way or the easy way or the honorable way. But I'm there.
But I'm not in the position to take full advantage of that knowledge right now. Right now, I'm sitting here sucking it up and trying not to cry because once again, we've had to ask for help. She's always willing. But I'm so tired of asking. It's so ... hurtful? What does it hurt? My pride. Her bank account. That's about it. I guess I should just be thankful there is someone that can help. But I guess its the pride thing mostly. I hate what I'm going through.
But, this like everything else, I will shore up my defenses and get through. I'm the strong one, right?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment