Homemade bread and a box cake....

I am baking a box cake right now.  Lemon.  It smells so good!  And I've got homemade bread rsing on the stove.  See.  My kitchen is cold.  I had to turn the oven on to warm up the kitchen to make the bread rise.  Then I thought, why waste the energy?  So I'm making a cake!  Pretty proud of my myself.  hee hee

That daughter of mine......

She made me cry again. She catches me off guard. Her birthday was last week. She turned 9. She came to me crying a little this weekend. I asked her why. She said that she had been checking the mailbox every day since her birthday. But she had only gotten 3 birthday cards. She said she was afraid that no one loved her as much as Shawn because he got a bunch of cards on his birthday. And then she started sobbing and fell into my lap. What do you tell a baby when she puts that together? I wonder what was so busy with my family that they couldn't send her a card when they sent one to Shawn? Is he just that much more of a charmer than her? I love her. But she made me cry again.

Addendum to Friday's Freakout

So, maybe I am cracking up just a little bit. I just reread that blog and I'm sort of sorry that I posted it. I'm not sorry that I wrote it, but it was pretty harsh to put out there. Things are not as bad as I want to think. I'm just a pessimist. I've been a pessimist all my life I think. At least most of my adult life.

We put the tree up on Friday evening. What a shock to me. I wrote that blog and then arrived home to my hubby, kids and mother-in-law putting the tree up. I was obviously in a bad mood. But I escaped to my room, had a few quiet moments and then went to help with my happy face on. Well, then the lights do what they always do and the twinkling brought me around. I can't be unhappy around Christmas lights. Damn them. So, things are better today. Let's hope they stay that way.

2010 can KISS MY ASS

When I was little, I did little kid things without even thinking about their consequences beyond how far I could go without getting a spanking. Even as I aged towards adulthood, there was little thought to the future. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I thought I was living the American Dream. Turns out, I was just being a foolish kid and I've been receiving a year long spanking this year for my conduct. When I think of all the money that I've squandered away over the past 20 years, it makes me sick. I could do so much with that money now. So much good.

It's possible that I'm cracking up. I don't think so though. I actually think I feel more in control of things than I have for a very long time. Besides school loans, I am totally debt free. I didn't ask to be this way. I don't think I got there the right way or the easy way or the honorable way. But I'm there.

But I'm not in the position to take full advantage of that knowledge right now. Right now, I'm sitting here sucking it up and trying not to cry because once again, we've had to ask for help. She's always willing. But I'm so tired of asking. It's so ... hurtful? What does it hurt? My pride. Her bank account. That's about it. I guess I should just be thankful there is someone that can help. But I guess its the pride thing mostly. I hate what I'm going through.

But, this like everything else, I will shore up my defenses and get through. I'm the strong one, right?

MySpace blog from August 2007

This is another blog from August of 2007. I had hurt my back and this was an update!

So. My back is doing much better. I'm not taking any more mind altering drugs. But I have to tell you one story from my most recent back being out episode. Mark hauled me to the doctor who gave me scripts for Vicodin and Vallium. I proceeded to come home and take one of each just as the directions stated. About 30 minutes later, I started floating towards the ceiling and I knew the ceiling fan was going to cut me to little pieces. I frantically screamed for Morgan in a slurred voice that she barely understood and made her laydown with her arm across me and her head on my sholder so we could both nap without any danger of being cut up! I would like to warn you all, drugs are bad. They seem to make one very light and bouyant! I would suggest keeping around something with some weight to it (55 pounds at least) if you are going to mix these two in particular!

MySpace Blog from August 2007

I found these two blogs that I just thought were funny! Enjoy!

August 27,2007 So. You might all remember that I was very excited that Shawn signed up for Tiger Cubs and that Mark was pretty excited as well. Well, we had our first event, a bicycle rodeo and ice cream social. It was fun. Morgan was a bit of a pain because we didn't take her bicycle (didn't know we could). But then my world took a little spin. Get this. Did you know that once a year or maybe more often they have a FAMILY campout. Did I say that loud enough, FAMILY!!! So, I most politely told Mark that I thought he and Shawn and Morgan would have a great time. He most politely told me that Family meant the WHOLE family and that he really thinks I should go too. It would be a much better experience for the kids of we were both there! The ground. I have to sleep on the ground. With bugs and stuff. OMG. What was I thinking??

I received several comments from friends and family with helpful advice and encouragement so this next blog was written a few days later.

In response to all of you that seem to think that taking an air mattress, pillows and bug spray will somehow make sleeping on the ground in a tent, with a bunch of creepy crawlies okay, I have one word for you: BAH
I've camped before. I'm not a camping virgin. I remember how HOT it was when I woke up around 10am the next morning and sun was beating on the tent walls. I was practically baked! Course, I was also hung-over and dehydrated! I remember coming out of the woods with welts the size of a softball from the bloodsucking mosquitos that grow larger around camp grounds (probably from the steady supply of fresh blood). I remember the noises in the night. Howling, scratching, sniffling, hooting, then lots of ripping, teraring and screaming.. . ohh..wait...that one was just a dream. But anyway, I'm not to be persuaded. I will promise to go into this one with an open mind and see what happens! But I also promise that if this sucks, poor Shawn will be motherless when it comes to camping out until "someone" buys me a pop-up with air!

MySpace Blog from November 2007

Here is another blog that I wrote in 2007 on Myspace and although it makes me cry each time I read it, I don't want to lose it. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. It's upsetting.

So, Morgan just broke my heart. She came out here about 15 minutes ago sobbing. She could hardly talk. Tears were streaming down her face. She finally got out that she couldn't sleep because she was worried about what would happen to her and Shawn if Daddy and I died. Who would take care of them if they were still little kids? I comforted her more than I ever have before. Just sat here holding her tight and rocked her and told her that her Daddy and I weren't going anywhere any time soon. She calmed down finally. She blew her nose and went to bed. I told her to think about hanging up the Christmas lights this weekend and what presents she wants for Christmas. And now I'm the one sitting out here crying. Damn. Why does being a parent have to hurt so much some times?

From February 2008 - 1st Grade

This little blog was born February of 2008. I posted it on MySpace originally, but I wanted to post it here so I don't lose it when I cancel MySpace.

I wanted to share this little e-mail that Shawn's teacher sent to me about a conversation that she started and then overheard continuting later in the day between Shawn and a little girl in his class. I cried. Some of you have seen this already, but I wanted the rest of you to see it too. I think it is priceless!
E-mail from teacher:
Today we discussed what relatives are. It can be quite confusing at 7, I'll tell you.
Someone said, "Well, a relative is anyone you love."
I tried to explain that I love the students, but they're not related to me.
Someone said, "Well, if they are your relative, then you love them."
So this spiraled into a new conversation… and someone said, "I love all of my relatives."
Shawn said, "You do? How? You just love everyone?"
She said, "Well, we love them. We just do. I mean, I love my mom. Don't you love your mom?"
He said, "Well, yes, I love my mom, yes."
She said, "Right, and you love your dad, right?"
Shawn said to her, "Yeah, but I do not love my mom or my dad just like I love other people."
She said, "Well, right, because he's your dad and she's your mom."
Shawn said, "No, I mean, I love my cat. I love my guinea pigs, but I love my dad like… [Long pause]… Superman or something."
The girl said, "SUPERMAN? What? You love your dad like a cartoon?"
Shawn said, "No, not a cartoon… well, yeah, like, you know, a hero or something."

So. I love my little boy. He is special to me for sure.
Chelle

How busy can one family get?

Morgan started Daisy scouts. And I'm knee deep already! I'm the Cookie Mom this year. WHAT??!! I'm officially crazy. I'll be taking care of all the ordering, money, planning show and sells, huh?? what was I thinking? I'm a little crazed about the whole thing. Why do I always jump in with both feet? Why do I feel like I have to be in the middle of everything? Whose curse is this?



Sorry. I'm calmer now. I think Daisys is going to be good for Morgan. Morgan has trouble with letting her friends do things their way, or by themselves. hmmm...sound familiar? So I'm hoping that this group environment will help her to learn that everyone has an opinion and you need to let everyone have their turn. My whole problem with that statement, is that Morgan is like me. It takes her two seconds to see graphically in her mind, the best path to follow to attain a goal. So while all these mealy little kids around her are trying over and over again and restarting, she's already most of the way to the answer. I'm going to assume that's a good thing and foster it. Definitly going to figure out how to keep the school and groups from squashing it.



How could you do anything but protect this?

Who invited my boss?

I have been craving Jose Peppers for several days now. For those of you not from KC, its a pretty good Mexican place down here. There is one near work so I mentioned it to a couple of co-workers on Tuesday. They said, we'll if you can wait until Wednesday, I'll go. So I decided I could suffer through and wait for company. I do so hate eating alone! This guy Joe asked if it would be okay for him to invite a couple of people. I said, Sure, No problem. The more the merrier, right? Wrong. I was the last one to arrive at what I was now calling my party (cause I has started the whole thing with my craving). I brought two of my co-workers with me. I arrived to a table of 7 people already there and I added 3! And who is sitting in the middle of the mess? That's right. My boss! Who would invite my boss? Don't get me wrong, but my meal was still very good. I recommend the Pollo Magnifico. But I guess I didn't feel as free to speak my mind or as free to sit a little longer with him there. Kind of put a damper on the lunch hour!

So, I'm back at my desk, thinking I should have left that last bit of rice on my plate when my phone rings! Its my good friend, Corey. She wants to meet for supper. You'll NEVER guess where she wanted to go!! Ok, I guess you can. Jose Peppers! So I'm thinking, ahh, redemption! I can now go, enjoy the food and company and sit as darn long as I want to! And I did!

So, I ate Jose Peppers twice today. Loved it both times. The Chicken Monterrey burrito is good as well! But I think I liked the Pollo Magnifico better!

A moment of quiet

I'm sitting here wondering how much to tell. If I say too little, you will be confused and ask questions that I don't want to answer. If I say too much, you will get curious and ask questions that I still don't want to answer.

So, I will fall back on the kids! They are doing well. Growing like weeds. Morgan loves school and is very good at it. The only thing her teacher has had to say at all about her that wasn't positive was that she has to remind Morgan every once-in-a-while that she is the teacher, not Morgan and that Morgan should let her friends do their work the way they want to, not the way that Morgans wants them to. I've been told she's a lot like me. I don't see it!

Shawn is struggling with normal little boy things. He doesn't want to sit still and listen when the subject bores him. His teacher bores him. So he gets into trouble with her some. But the rest of his teachers adore him, so I'm not real worried. I think this teacher is just crotchety. He's bright, just bored!

Mark will be finishing up his Associates Degree in a couple of weeks! Then he is switching schools from Baker to Mid American Nazzerene to finish his Bachelors. It will be months shorter and thousands cheaper to change schools. So he will start there later in October.

We are looking forward to Fall. We are going to hit one of the local pumpkin patches this year. I love doing that. It is so fun. And then I get to carve a pumpkin or four and roast pumpkin seeds! YUUMM Morgan is starting Daisy Scouts next week. So we are going to be selling Girl Scout Cookies later this year! Shawn is already starting his Popcorn sales. So I'll be hitting you all up for that soon!

I am here. I am busy at work and home. Work is killing me. I have work enough for two or three people, but can't get help. I think they are setting me up to fail. I'm thinking about getting my resume updated. But I don't know what I want to do. Mark wants me to go back to school. But I'm not sure I want to do that either. We'll see. We are trying to finish up some projects here around the house. We are not as happy with our neighborhood or school as we were when we first moved here. So there may be a move in our future. But I'll keep you posted on that too. I'm not really willing to take a big hit on our house just because the housing market is in suck a slump.

I think that bring you roughly up to speed. More later!